Someone SPECIAL

I guess......NO......I AM feeling sorry for myself. I have been having bouts of depression even though I have things and people in my life for which/whom I am grateful.

I miss what WAS. Feel the lack of what IS. And LONG for what NEVER WILL BE.

I miss the feeling of being SPECIAL. For 51 years I was someone's daughter (well, I am still their daughter but you know what I mean) - now I am an adult orphan. I so much miss my parents. I miss their caring, sharing and love. I miss being special to them. I miss how special they made me feel even without their doing anything.

I am very fortunate to still be married after almost 35 years. I felt SO SPECIAL on our wedding day and for many years thereafter. Now.....well, life is different. I am glad I am married to whom I am married however I wish circumstances were different (I wish he was not so sick much of the time).

I became a mother at the age of 30. Wow! What a wonderfully glorious time. I felt so special to have such a wonderful son. I still feel this way. I am so very proud of the man he has become and feel confident that he will continue to grow and be a wonderful person. He is a wonderful son and a wonderful father to two wonderful boys. Our relationship, however, is different. Of course it is and well it should be. I am no longer the most important female in his life. I know that I am one of the most important but now someone else is special (in a different way). I do not wish things were different in that I would not want him to be such a "mama's boy" that he did not have a life of his own; he deserves that and I am happy for him (truly). But I do, in a way, miss being that special woman.

I am special to my grandsons. I am so grateful for their love! I am special to them as their grandmother and that is the way it should be.

I guess I just miss being that (only) special someone. Selfish? or Human?