A loose stitch, a stroke and Poof.......

For me 2001 brings back many life changing memories. Not only was it the year of 9/11 but it was a year of more personal tragedies. My dad had to go a series of tests to try to figure out a more defined diagnosis. He ended up being a pin cushion and a guinea pig - he had a series of test that basically served no purpose. It was all very frustrating. It was concluded that perhaps he might have Parkinson's but still no conclusive diagnosis. In August of 2001, Mom had surgery to prevent a stroke (carodid surgery) and ended up having one before leaving the hospital. Apparently a flap of skin moved causing a blot clot to come loose and causing a stroke. I mentioned that I believed she had a a stroke but no one seemed concerned and she was released. In hindsight, we should have pushed that she stay and have further testing. The day after her release it was definitely obvious that she had indeed had a stroke. She could not see anything to the left side of her. She was unaware of a variety of things and she was repeating herself. Back to the hospital where (surprise) it was determined she had had a stroke. Mom stayed in the hospital for weeks enduring tests, more surgery and rehab. She was released a day or two after 9/11. Mom ended up make a decent recovery but she was never the same. She was never again the strong and independent woman. She and my dad needed help.

December 2000 - Life changed quickly

December of 2000 my life changed quickly and dramatically and started taking me in a direction that was totally unfamiliar to me. I was in my room wrapping Christmas presents - wrapping paper, boxes and ribbons were all over my bed. It was a mess but one I was happy to be surrounded by. Then the phone rang. My father called me to tell me that he believed my mom had broken her leg after falling from a step ladder. Dad had suffered a stroke years earlier so was not able to drive. He called the EMS and I met Mom at the hospital. She had indeed fractured her leg in several places. She needed surgery and had to stay in the hospital awhile. When she returned home she was in a wheel chair (for a month or two). It was hard because Dad was not able to care for her by himself. Home Health did come in a bit and that helped but so began a new journey for me - taking care of my parents. I had to (and willingly) help care for them while still working, taking care of my family and still trying to have a life. It was not easy to we all got through it.

Lost

Life has a way of giving us challenges. Most of us have probably had our fair (or unfair) share. I am no exception. My challenges may or may not be worse than yours but they are mine. I do try to put things into perceptive however there are times when I find I must indulge myself in a temporary "pity party". I used to hold everything in but when I got to a point that not only was I not happy I did not even care to be happy. That was scary! I had always been a loving and caring person but then I did not care. I went through the motions of day to day and did what I had to (that I still would not change) but I did not care about my own happiness. It would have been very easy (for some) to hit the bottle and booze it up or to hide under the covers or sleep the days, weeks, months and years away. But somewhere deep inside me I found the strength to realize that I deserved better. I did deserve to be happy. I did not know how this was going to happen but somehow I was going to get myself out of the hole of deep uncaring. I had to find my way back - for my husband, my son, my parents, my family.....but most importantly for me. My way back begun.....