Healing

My parents both passed away within the last 4+ years. They passed away less than 5 months apart.

For so many years, my parents were even more a part of my life. I spoke to them once or twice a day and saw them just about every day once their health declined. Tough decision had to be made. There were many ER visits and many hospital stays. Life was complexed and complicated and at times unbearable. But even today I say that I would not have had it any other way except that I would have had my parents in better health. I do not begrudge or regret my decisions to care for my parents.

It was hard enough when my father passed. He had such strength and was so loving. But then less than 5 months later, Mom passed (mostly from a broken heart). Suddenly I was an adult orphan. My parents were gone.

Life was so different. Unless you have gone through losing your parents (this goes with most anything - unless you have experienced a particular thing.....) you REALLY cannot understand. I had so many emotions including anger. I had one person say to me "AT LEAST you had your parents as long as you did." This was not helpful. It does not matter how long you have someone with you, it hurts when you lose them. A statement was made out "getting over it". Oh, no.......how can you just "get over" something like this. But then I heard someone say "you do not necessarily get over something but you can learn how to GET THROUGH". This was very helpful. Then Hospice said that people are around the first few months for support but then about 3 months later the support seems to fade or disappear - this is when you will begin to need it most. So true!

The healing process has been very hard. My first major milestone was when I had a private ceremony at my parents' house. I had my brother on the phone as I read something I had written. Then I took my parents' ashes and joined them together into one urn (this was done on their wedding anniversary). The healing began.

The next step came when I scattered some of their ashes around the inside and outside of their house before I was to be sold. They loved their house - their home. They loved working in the yard - flowers and vegetables. They loved the fruit trees. They had a good life there. They had a good life together.

These steps helped but I still had difficulty if I would think (too hard) about them; it was too painful. I had wonderful memories but it hurt to think about what was, what is not and what will never be. Last night, I made a breakthrough.

I had read an article in REDBOOK. Part of the article was about psychic abilities. It suggested that you go to a dark and quiet room. Write a question or concern on a piece of paper then close your eyes and concentrate. An answer may or may not come....do not worry. You may get an answer in an unfamiliar way so pay attention - be in tune with your inner self.

I thought I would try this. It worked. I started slowly. I asked "How can I remember my parents without it being so painful?". Suddenly I began thinking about my parents. Flashes of memories and events (with them) flooded my head and it did not hurt. I have guarded myself for so long that there is much I do not remember (for now) but now I am open to remembering. I feel I have the essence of them. I now feel that another healing process has begun. And it is wonderful.